Three's Company
by BlackLynx17
Summary: Come and bang on our door, we've been waiting for you! Where the beers are his and his and hers, three's company too! Come and fight on our floor, use a move that is new. We had a loveable space that we've lay waste, three's company too! You'll see that life is a battle and liquor is calling for you! Down at Gildart's household, three's company, too!


**BlackLynx17: I thought I was done making BacchusxCana but it appears not. This was a small idea that came to mind, hope you enjoy. You can consider this the sequel to Pretty Wild, Huh? Or not, I wasn't really thinking about it when I made this up but now that it's finished I guess it kind of fits together. Either one, doesn't matter. **

**Just in case some of you didn't know I based the summary and title on the American sitcom Three's Company. I've never personally watched the show, but I was singing the song to myself one night and thought of Cana and Bacchus for some strange reason. After a few word exchanges I got the summary and two days later the story. Also yes, the summary is suppose to be the opening to the sitcom so you can sing it. Hope you like. Thanks for future reviews.**

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Three's Company

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The only sound that echoed in the room was his laughter and the sound of glasses slamming against a marble counter. Various other sounds were heard like the picking up of glasses, the swishing of liquid, the gulps of drinks and the sighs of breathes, but those two were the ones that stood out most. Most of the sounds were coming from him and him alone. The only sounds she made was went she refilled his glass.

"And so then I said, I'm not just a puppy, I'm WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!" Bacchus howled banging his glass on the table.

He started laughing while Cana sighed and refilled his drink again. He's been through two bottles of her best wine and he's still hasn't passed out yet. Things were getting ridiculous she thought and wondered if she didn't add enough 'herbs' to the drinks. By next bottle she would find out.

"Babe, what's up? You invited me over and I'm the only one drinking. Usually the two of us fight over the last drops of alcohol." Bacchus slurred.

Cana just hummed and went to refill his glass again only, it was still filled. She looked up at Bacchus, who got the picture and downed the glass, before pouring more wine to fill it back up.

"And what the hell kind of wine is this?! I mean I've never gotten so drunk before with only two bottles, I need to store some of this stuff in my house!" He yelled and started laughing again.

How much longer would she have to hear his drunk laughter before it took affect? Sure, watching her boyfriend fool around was pretty amusing, but she had things to accomplish. Cana made a note to herself to get Bacchus drunk again and record his fooling around, she wondered how much money she'd make selling that video to Quatro Cerberus. Not a lot she figured since they've probably seen him drunk before, unless she makes it worth their wild and by that Cana meant make him confess embarrassing things or make him wear a maid outfit.

Erza had one of those as her requips, Cana was sure she would let her borrow it... if she told her it was for herself and not her boyfriend. Cana chuckled lightly to herself making her boyfriend stare wildly at her.

"Now you laugh? I wasn't even... even... huh?" Bacchus asked blinking his eyes slowly.

Things... were moving around for Bacchus and spinning at the same time.

"Hey Cans, I don't feel so good."

Cana smirked, "really? Maybe one last drink will help you feel better," she said refilling his glass.

Bacchus looked down at the table and attempted to reach the glass. After several tries he securely held it in his hands, spilling some as he lifted the drink to his lips.

"If you say so babes," he mumbled holding the drink up to her before downing it.

Cana reached out and took the glass from his hands, an expensive glass she rather see not in pieces, and placed it back on her counter. After that she leaned her head against her hand and blew towards her boyfriend. As if on cue, when her breath hit him he tumbled over out of his seat and passed out on her floor.

"Took him long enough, alright boys! You can come out now!" Cana said leaning back up.

Now on cue, Gray and Natsu came out of hiding from inside Cana's closet and entered her kitchen. While she started cleaning up the counter the two boys bent over to pick up her now unconscious boyfriend.

"Took him long enough, I was getting a cramp stuck in that closet." Natsu said lifting with his back.

"Yeah and I was getting a headache stuck in that closet with this spitfire." Gray said lifting with his legs.

Natsu dropped his side of Bacchus and leaned up towards Gray, "what was that popsicle stick?!"

Gray fell over feeling the sudden weight of Bacchus, but quickly picked himself up, "you can't hear all of a sudden now? Spit! Fire!"

Cana sensed that a battle was about to break out soon in her kitchen so she quickly intervened with the two of them.

"Enough! Hurry up and do your jobs!" She yelled at them.

Natsu and Gray both paused and looked at the girl.

"Why are we doing this again?" They recited.

Cana's eye started twitching as she almost lost her temper.

"You're doing this because I asked you to do this and if you don't, I'm telling Lucy that you were the one who raided her panties and I'm telling Juvia about your secret diary and all the juicy details with her in it!" She screamed pointing a finger at one then the other.

Natsu and Gray both nodded.

"Oh, that's why."

"Very well, let's get this done."

The two of the started carrying Bacchus and made their way towards the bathroom.

"I want him groomed, cleaned, and smelling like daisies boys! And if I hear one peep, one little argument between the two of you, I'm telling." Cana called out as they entered the room.

"Aye, sir!"

* * *

"Did I forget to mention to dress him? I believe I did, but I also believed that the two of you had enough common sense to REALIZE THIS!" Cana said.

She was standing in her living room, staring at her naked boyfriend lying passed out on her couch.

"So that's why those clothes were laid out so neatly." Natsu said.

"Ah, I see." Gray agreed with.

Cana needed a drink, badly.

"We're supposed to be over there in thirty minutes. Dress him neatly and don't forget to fix his hair and add the cologne I set out beside the sink. Also, brush his teeth will you? I'm going over to Erza's to change and get away from you two idiots, I might also have a couple of drinks with her too. He better be ready to go before I get back or else!" She threated.

"You know what, I don't see the point anymore. All Lucy will do is hurt me then ignore me for a while, I can live with that but Gray. Juvia would stalk you." Natsu laughed sitting down next to naked Bacchus.

"Not if I toss the diary away, if she doesn't have evidence then I can just say she's lying. Sure Juvia would stalk me for a while, but that's normal." Gray said sitting on the other side of naked Bacchus.

"Why do you have a diary in the first place anyway Gray? Do you know how gay that is?"

"Shut up! It's not a diary, it's a journal."

"Which is a guy's word for male diary."

Men, Cana thought and growled lowly. She walked over to her cabinet and opened it wide, pulling out a few things.

"Dear Diary, today Juvia changed her hairstyle yet again. I don't understand why she changes it so much, I liked her hair when we first met. The rain really brought out how blue her hair really was and when the sky cleared, with the raindrops glistening on her body, I-"

"HOW'D YOU GET THAT?!" Gray yelled jumping up.

"It's gets even better than that. Dear Male Diary, I saw Lucy naked three times today. I must say I'm still not sure if her boobs are bigger than Erza's or not, but her body sure as hell is finer. Happy calls me a pervert but I know he would peek at Carla if she had something to peek at. It's getting harder and harder to control these desires inside of me, just last night I-"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Natsu yelled.

"Having a male diary is pretty gay huh?" Gray asked looked over at Natsu.

"Shut up journal boy!"

"You boys now have fifteen minutes, you'll get these back when your job is done." Cana said making her way out of her home.

"You're the devil!" They called out.

"I'm the daughter who's about to introduce her boyfriend to her Father for the first time."

* * *

Cana Alberona, Fairy Tail mage and daughter to Gildarts Clive... was sober. She was planning on changing that once she made it to her father's household, but until then she stayed sober. Her lackeys walked carrying a now-dressed-and-cleaned-up-presentable Bacchus over their shoulders behind her, slowly one might add.

There were two strange things seen as Cana, Natsu, Gray, and passed out Bacchus walked through the streets of Magnolia. The first being the passed out Bacchus, obviously, and the second being Cana... wearing a dress. It was a light shade of red with small white flower designs or something on it, she didn't know. Erza was the one who picked it out for her to wear, Cana was the one who added her own designs by ripping of the sleeves and tearing up the gown to make it more comfortable to walk in. Even with her changes to it, she was still wearing a dress so that had to count for something.

Now Cana knew that her father accepted who she was and how she dressed, but this evening she decided to try and make him in a good mood by wearing a dress just for him. Her mission today was for her father NOT to kill her boyfriend she's been seeing for a few months, it was alright if they came out with injuries as long as there was no casualties. She also figured to give Bacchus a good first impression that he should wear a shirt, which he had on right now, and decent pants instead of his armor plated vest and baggy dark tan shorts. What he wore instead was a nice dark blue colored shirt, with most of the buttons undone since it gave Cana something nice to look at and figured Bacchus would have thought it up as to stuffy, some long, dark tan, dress pants that went down to his ankles and... She let him keep the slippers on.

Cana tried to keep his new outfit as similar as his old one so he wouldn't complain as much and had to admit he did look nice, daddy approvable and, as he once said to her, gentlemen wild. The four of them walked the last few streets towards their destination, when they had arrived Natsu and Gray put Bacchus down and leaned him up against the front door.

"Good work boys, here is your rewards and may I suggest one thing? Instead of writing your 'feelings' down in a diary or journal whatever, why don't you two just grow a pair and confess already. I mean, it's obvious that Juvia loves you Gray so I don't know why you haven't done anything yet knowing you won't get rejected, and Lucy did come to Fairy Tail because of you Natsu, not to mention you saved her life dozens of times now. Geez, when you two do start dating I wonder who's going to wear the pants in those relationships." Cana said giving them back their diaries.

The two boys though froze up and just stared at her, replaying her conversation in their heads.

"Well? Get the hell out of here!" She yelled at them.

The two of them 'got the hell out of there' leaving Cana alone with her slowly-slipping-from-the-door boyfriend. She dug in her purse and pulled out another one of her 'herbs', instead of knocking a person out though it woke a person up and instead of digesting it, all you had to do was smell it. Cana leaned down and stuffed the plant up Bacchus's nose.

He suddenly jumped up and banged his head on Gildart's door, his eyes widened as he blew whatever was in his nose out of it.

"Ugh!" He groaned rubbing his nose.

"Alright, five seconds to explain. We're meeting my Father, I knocked you out so you wouldn't complain. Now best behavior or he might kill you and no wild things you hear? Now turn around, stand beside me but make sure we aren't touching, and smile." Cana explained, wondering if that was five seconds.

Bacchus pinched his eyes closed and reopened them, looking down at his girlfriend he hummed, "huh?"

Cana rolled her eyes and pulled him next to her, turned him around, and poked his ribs so he would laugh making him smile. The door opened revealing one of the strongest mages in Fairy Tail wearing a fluffy pink apron and holding a wooden spoon in hand. Things went according to Cana's plan, expect for the no touching part. Bacchus was laughing and smiling and she was too with her arm wrapped around his waist to support him however much she could.

"Cana, my little darling angel! I was waiting for you!" Gildarts said.

"We've been waiting for you too, to open the door." Cana said and the two of them shared a laugh.

Bacchus just stood there like what the hell and tried to figure out what was going on. Using his S-Class Mage brain of his he was able to put some things together. He woke up to a burning sensation in his nose dressed nicely, his girlfriend was dressed... in a dress of all things and the two of them were standing in front of her father's home. Usually that meant only one thing, meeting the parents or in this case, overprotective-that-could-probably-kill-him-in-one -blow parent. Bacchus laughed nervous and wound his arm around Cana's waist.

"Gildarts! It's a pleasure to meet the pride of Fairy Tail, I'm Bacchus." Bacchus introduced himself holding out his hand.

Gildarts stared at him, with a slight glare, and grabbed his hand. The two of them battled it out in a grip fight, squeezing the life out of each other's hands. If they were in pain they didn't show it, just continued to stare and shake.

"I smell something burning." Cana lied already tired and wanting to go home.

"The dinner! Damn, come on in you two!" Gildarts yelled as he ran back inside.

"You have a lot of explaining to do! What the hell Cana?!" Bacchus yell-whispered as he walked through the door.

"I did explain already, not my fault you weren't listening." She whispered back.

"I was trying to stop the burning sensation from whatever the hell you stuck up my nose! How the hell did I even get here anyway and how am I dressed like this?"

"Shh! So Gildarts-"

"Not another word Cana, please. Let me just... bask in the moment. My darling baby girl, wearing a dress! All for me!" Gildarts fawned.

Cana just sighed and shook her head, mumbling 'idiot father' under her breath.

"Never would have pegged the man as the doting Father type of guy, wow." Bacchus said.

Gildarts re-entered the room they were in, minus the apron and spoon, and ushered them into the dining room.

"Where are my manners, come in, come in. Welcome, dinner should be ready in just a moment." Gildarts said.

Bacchus and Cana made their way over to the dining table and sat down, Bacchus staring at Cana the whole time while she tried to find a drink.

"Have any beers Gildarts?"

"Anything for my daughter, why doesn't your _boyfriend _go get us some. They should be in the freezer."

Cana could tell her dress had no effect on his mood at all by the way he spat out the word. Bacchus didn't seem to mind and got up, walking his way over to the freezer, and carried as many beer cans as he could.

"Alright, I got his and hers beer cans. His being most of them and hers being some." Bacchus laughed as he passed Cana one placed the rest on his side of the table.

"Teasing me in front of my Father, not good." She said opening the can up.

"Like I care since you tricked me into this," he replied back chugging down one of his own.

Bacchus leaned back in his chair and sighed out long and hard, "so Pops? What's on today's menu?"

"Well Son! Stew." Gildarts said in the same tone.

"Mmmh, Hmmm, got to love me some stew. Isn't that right Cans?" Bacchus asked looking towards her.

"You're only making things worse for yourself while I tried to give you a fighting chance." She whispered.

"Let me tell you though Pops, you're daughter stew was crazy wild. I believe you're going to have a hard time beating that." He said continuing to ignore her.

Gildarts came out of nowhere then and slammed both his arms on Bacchus's shoulder, gripping them tightly. It took everything he had not to yelp in pain or moan.

"Well then, I must say my stew is good. How about you be the judge of that though?" Gildarts laughed and patted his shoulders down.

The chair legs underneath him almost gave out, it should have given out with one more tap. As soon as Gildarts turned around and attended to the stew again, Bacchus mouthed out a giant 'yow' and started rubbing his shoulder blades.

"I tried to warn you." Cana said taking another drink.

"Wish you would have warned me sooner, let's say the minute after he asked us to dinner." Bacchus said.

"Alright now, cool it. We're here right now and if you keep complaining things are going to turn horribly wrong. Accept your fate and act gentlemen wild like or else he's going to kick your ass and I'm going to let him."

Bacchus sighed out, realizing this really wasn't worth the trouble... or pain.

"Fine, we're having a talk about this later though."

"Stew is served! Get it while it's hot!" Gildarts came in placing the bowls in front of everyone.

He rather 'dropped' the bowl in front of Bacchus, causing it to spill and land on his chest burning his skin, but he replied nothing to that and just smiled drunkly.

"Thanks Gildarts, Cana's always telling me how wonderful you are. She never told me you could cook either." Bacchus said tying a napkin around his neck.

Cana groaned and shook her head, anyone could see the lie in that. Gildarts though decided to play along though and act surprised, "oh really? Cana's told me nothing of you, in fact no one told me nothing of you. I had to find out by your Guild Master, Goldmine? Nice lad, I was doing a mission in his town and he offered to buy me a drink and then we started talking."

Bacchus just laughed it off while Cana... she drank it off.

"So your name's Bacchus huh?" Gildarts asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And you think you're good enough for my daughter?" He asked next taking a sip from his soup.

"Compared to the other guys she's been with, I know I'm the strongest so yeah. I think I am." Bacchus answered repeating after Gildarts.

"Strongest? Goldmine did speak proudly of you, you don't mind demonstrating those skills of yours after dinner do you Cerberus Puppy?"

That hit a mark.

"Gildarts!"

"It's alright Cana, of course not. Who knows, maybe I'll surprise you." Bacchus said.

"Trust me boy, you surprised me enough by dating my daughter and again by coming to my home with her. I think it's time I surprised you."

"Don't worry Pops, you already have by just existing! And here I thought Cana was just an orphan."

And what was Cana doing while these two threw witty remarks at each other? Absolutely nothing. She gave up a while ago, she should have gave up when Gildarts confronted her. But no, so now this was her punishment. Spending an afternoon with these two idiotic men in her life. Oh well, the beer was cold and the stew was warm, might as well enjoy something with three's company, herself including.

* * *

"The Drunken Falcon eh?" Gildarts asked taking off his coat.

"Yeah, originally I came here from overseas bringing the technique with me. It's probably why it's so rare in Fiore." Bacchus said before finishing another can of beer. He needed to be at his best if he even stood a chance with that man.

"I see, I remember a mission once back in my twenties where I went overseas to stop some monkey or something, but the point was I saw others using this move too so I might be a little familiar with it."

"Twenty years ago? Well Pops I've perfected the art of it now so it might now be the same. I've actually been practicing this new move for a while, you've probably never seen it before."

"Good, I like a challenge."

Cana just stared at the both of them, knowing neither of that. She knew about Bacchus's palm magic was foreign in Fiore, but she didn't know he migrated to here. Her father... She could careless actually. She knew he was a traveler and it didn't surprise her one bit.

"I didn't know that." Cana said walking towards a safe spot in the room.

"Didn't you ever wonder why I didn't talk about family?" Bacchus asked looking back at her.

"Well yeah, but I just thought it was the same reason I didn't talk about my Father." She said.

"Seems you two don't know much about each other as you thought." Gildarts said smugly.

"Shut up Gildarts, I love him or something. Are you really about do fight in here? Inside the house and this lovely space? I worked hard keeping your home clean Gildarts." Cana said.

Gildarts blanked out on everything after the 'I love him' part. He slowly turned his head towards Bacchus who was done warming up and smiled.

"My daughter loves you." He told him.

Bacchus blinked, a little surprised. Weren't they going to punch the hell out of each other in a few seconds?

"Yeah, I love her too."

"Damn, I guess that means I can't beat you up as I originally hoped too. Oh well let's see what we're made off shall we?"

"Your move Pops."

* * *

"Sorry I didn't listen before baby girl, we've laid waste to this lovely space." Gildarts said quoted.

There wasn't a single thing that wasn't broken or cracked, including the walls and the ceilings. Everything in the room laid in ruins with small pieces and fist marks into them.

"Honestly, I'm surprised you two didn't destroy the house. This was really something, here I planned a nice dinner for you to meet my boyfriend and instead you fight him and knock him unconscious. Like Father like daughter I suppose." Cana said referring to the time she had to drug him unconscious to get him here.

"Cana, one day you'll learn life is a battle and that punching each other is another way of talking. I've learned all I needed to know from the man you love by his fists." Gildarts said picking up a chair.

It was missing two legs and the seat was cracked, he tossed it aside and just moved to the sofa that resembled a ripped up teddy bear who also got abused one to many times.

"Oh really? Alright then, how old is Bacchus?" Cana asked.

Gildarts paused, "... I meant all the real things! Like-"

"How long have we've been dating? Did punching the daylights out of him tell you that?"

"Now Cana, I know you're mad but things actually went well. This was my first time meeting your boyfriend as a Father and I didn't kill him, things went very well indeed."

"Yeah, but now I have to carry this unconscious person home! Did you ever think about that?! Or that he might break up with me since I let my Father use him as a punching bag?"

"You heard the boy say he loves you right? If he's not willing to take a hit for you then he's not the one."

"Ugh, whatever, I hear some liquor calling for you so why don't you get it while I try to wake Bacchus up." Cana said walking towards his limp figure.

"That's just an excuse to make me leave the room right?"

"Yeah, now go."

"I'll be in the kitchen then."

Cana lifted up Bacchus's head and placed it on her knees. Somewhere during the fight his hair fell out of his bun and his shirt was ripped several places. There was no return of the shirt, it was gone forever. Cana lifted up her hand and stroked his hair, lightly patting his cheek with the other.

"Bacchus? Bacchus, baby? Wake up. You're not dead are you?" Cana asked shaking him a little.

Bacchus moaned, but did nothing more. Cana was stumped, how the hell could she wake up an unconscious person?... The herbs. Cana dug in her pocket and found that she still had some.

"Sorry about this baby, better wake up soon or else." She warned.

But when Bacchus didn't get up, Cana could only assume that he wanted it stuck up his nose so she stuck it up his nose. Seconds later Bacchus yelled out and blew whatever was shoved in his nose, out.

"God! Again Cana!" He yelled rubbing his nose.

"You were unconscious and I didn't want to carry you home." She told him.

"Ugh, you do that to me one more time and our relationship is done, I don't care how great the alcohol and sex is, it's not worth it."

Wow. Did stuffing that herb up the nose really hurt that bad? Cana thought. She looked at the small bottle of the stuff in her hand and decided to stuff some up her nose to try it out. Cana could later only describe it as sniffing up hot sauce and chili. She leaned back and sneezed the thing out her nose.

"Ahhhh! Shit it buuuurns! Why didn't you tell me it hurt so much?" Cana asked.

Bacchus couldn't believe she had just done that for him and started laughing.

"I told you, didn't that explain the yelling?"

"I thought you were just a woose, ah I'm crying. I'm killing Porlyusica for giving me something this strong, ah."

Bacchus continued to laugh as he pulled Cana up and onto his lap. He kissed her neck and laughed into it.

"So, what happened?" He asked.

"It was a good fight, lasted a good... five minutes before bam you're down. Figured you weren't getting back up so Gildarts went inside the kitchen for a beer." Cana said.

"Hmm, so how'd I do then? Overall?"

"Well, in the beginning you were horrible, just awful like you were asking to get beat up, then you got better. Overall I think Gildarts likes you if only a little." Cana said.

_"TRY NONE AT ALL!" _Gildarts called from the other room.

"SHUT UP GILDARTS!"

Bacchus started laughing, "wow. I guess this calls for another family dinner I suppose."

"Seems it does, I'll give you a ten second heads up next time though." Cana laughed with him.

"Wild Thing, there is only so much abuse I can take a day."

"Hmm, would a kiss perhaps make up for it?" Cana asked batting her eyelashes playfully.

"It's a start, later on tonight though I'm going to need so much moo-"

"Shh, he can hear us remember? Take the kiss and we'll discuss everything else once we leave."

"Whatever you say Wild Thing," Bacchus said then attached his lips to hers.

_"... WHY DID THINGS SUDDENLY GET QUIET?" _Gildarts asked.

The two adults didn't answer since they were preoccupied with something else. The moment when they felt those big, heavy steps walking though they pulled away and started laughing.

"This is why there's three company, so I can watch you two be company. I still don't know about this one Cana, he passes out like a girl." Gildarts huffed.

"Excuse me Pops? I pass out wild, would you like me to refresh your memory for you?" Bacchus asked getting up.

Cana just stayed on the floor and shook her head at the two of them. The two men in her life she could never escape from.

"Fine, whatever, do whatever you two want. I going out to a bar for a drink, if you knock him out again Gildarts make sure to take him home and if you kill him then make sure to never show you face in front of me again. To think I wore a dress for this, ugh." Cana said then ripped off her dress as she made it out of the room.

Underneath it was her usually bikini tops and tan shorts, only this time the shorts were shorter so she could hide it under her dress.

"Thanks for dinner."

"Aw, now Cana! Come on! Let Father go with you!" Gildarts said following after her.

"Hey Babe, I challenge you to another drinking contest if we do go. Maybe you'll luck out this time and actually win." Bacchus teased walking after them.

Gildarts looked behind him, "you beat my daughter in a drinking contest?" He asked.

"Yeah, loads of times. She hasn't won once so far." Bacchus spoke with pride.

"Interesting, maybe I did underestimate you. If you beat me in a drinking contest buddy I'll give you my blessings to marry the girl!" Gildarts laughed patting Bacchus's back.

"GILDARTS!"

"Pretty wild, huh Cana? We could be Wild and Wife, or Wild and Wild, who's the wildest out of the two of us?" Bacchus asked pondering on the question.

Out of all the men in the world, why in her life did she have to be stuck with the drunken idiot ones? Oh that's right, because she loved them.

"That's all and fine then, but if I win! Oooooh if I win, you both have to be my slaves for a week."

Gildarts and Bacchus looked at each other before laughing out, "DEAL!"

"Not like she'll beat us anyway!"

"Sorry daughter, I'll have to agree with Son on this one!"

Little did they both know though that Porlyusica had also given Cana an herb that increases alcohol tolerance. She had her two new lackeys in the bag.


End file.
